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Love, Sex & Communication

Love making is an art—so is communication. There could be some science behind them but at the end they are nothing but art—they can be learned, they can be improved on and they can be mastered through practice and consistency.

If I am right (that love making is an art), I believe there would be many aspects to that art. These of course are not the only aspects there could be, they are just the ones that I find rather relevant to my discussion with you at this moment.

Today, I’d like to discuss the first art of love making… and communication.

#1 THE ART OF AWARENESS

Do we fall in love with strangers? Why?

Would you make love to a total stranger?

To many of us, the answer is a capital NO.

Why?

Obviously, because they are STRANGERS.

Everyone’s defense mechanism automatically activates any time they come in contact with people they don’t know yet… strangers. No one does this out of wickedness though. It’s the way we are biologically wired for survival.

When we were kids, our parents warned us about strangers, “Do not receive gifts from strangers…” or “Do not follow a stranger…” or “… ensure to stay away from strangers—‘cos they might just hurt you. You really don’t know them or what they are capable of. So stay away and be safe.”

Maybe this happens frequently in Africa. I do not know how prevalent such advice is in other parts of the world. However, I know that in every part of the world, the average human being still fears to share their space or precious life with people they are not very familiar with. Indeed that can be dangerous.

Apart from those who make a living with ‘call jobs’ or “one night stands”—a majority of ‘the other’ people would never ever feel anything serious with a stranger to the point of having sex with them. At least not until some sort of familiarity is established.

Love is such a precious thing. The heart of a woman is such a precious possession.

To men, sex might just be about keeping scores. It’s hardly so with women… many women.

To women it is a precious experience given only to those who ‘deserve’ it. This desirability of course varies from person to person but one thing they share in common is “awareness” – she knows you, she likes you, or she likes something about you and then “it” happens.

If you’ve been a woman long enough (and I know that sounds a bit awkward) you’ve probably already come in contact with guys who met you today and hope to have sex with you today. Shits like that happen in real life… and they happen on stage with speakers or presenters too.

Some speakers want their audience to experience some connection or intimacy with them when they are merely showing up for the first time and with little to no sign of familiarity.

I’ve seen people on Facebook who I have barely read their articles, watched their videos or even had any meaningful conversation with them show up at some point out of the blue with a book to sell at a price.

How am I supposed to invest my money in a book when I’m not sure who you are and how good you are at what you do?

When we learn the art of communication from the lyrics of romance we will change the approach. We will begin to focus more and more on bridging the emotional and psychological gap by creating the strongest foundation for a possible relationship – awareness.

Let’s assume your audiences are more like the average woman out there. She needs to know you – your name, your uniqueness, your profile, your story… YOU. But just like in real life relationship if you make it all about you, you come off as a ‘brag’ and she hates you for that. We all hate people who are full of themselves and their achievements.

So just because we are talking about creating awareness does not mean you should rush off and start blowing your trumpet.

In my opinion there are, surprisingly and unfair to some extent, two things that everyone wants to know about you—that you’re human and not a hero. And that you are a hero (or at least trying to be) despite your humanity.

The first talks more about your weaknesses, failures, stories… and the second talks about where you currently are despite the challenges so far.

Creating awareness is beyond talking about yourself. It’s also about creating a memorable personae that people can relate with – tell your story with a  good touch of relatable character. It’s about being visible in the market place. It’s about people finding you when they start looking for people like you.

This is the first major step in building a relationship. We must know (each other) to relate (with each other). If you’re faceless, unknown—not well positioned or profiled, chances are that people may find it difficult to go deep down with you.

In real life, you’d have to walk up to that pretty girl and introduce your self—on the podium you only have to make sure that your audience gets a feel of you. And yes, you need to put yourself on social media so that they can find.

Spend the first few minutes of your presentation sharing stories that help your audience understand who you are, where you’re coming from and why listening to you may just be more important than pressing their phones.

Tell someone!
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